a bad day for me...

It's payday today... Other people might be enjoying their hard-earned money on shopping stuff, eating at fine dining resto's.. as if what they really await each month is their payday.. but for me, i curse paydays.. i hope paydays won't come 'cause otherwise, i will not be as bummed and broke as i am today.. my day started with my mother-in-law reminding me of the bills that are due today, the very first words that came out of her mouth was if my husband already got his pay check so she can return the money she borrowed last month for our electric bills which was due for disconnection.. and our current electric bill is also due this month end.. OMG.. and my hubby gave me his salary which is short of more than half of what he's actually gonna give me.. isn't it a good way to wreck somebody else's day?? so i hurriedly left the house and i felt like my heart and veins were gonna explode!! i tried to remain calm when i asked him where he spent his money but still, i broke down in tears... he knew nothing but have some good times, give me all the money that's left in his wallet and i take care of the rest. and how much do supervisors in a not-so-big computer companies in the philippines actually earn? i have always wanted to fix our financial cash flow but each time, something always comes up.. and what's worse, it's not for our family, but for the illegitimate children of my very faithful husband.. yeah, he has 3 children outside our marriage... and i'm stuck to accepting things as they are, otherwise, i'll have to live and raise our own children alone.. i myself came from a broken family and i know how that sucks and i don't want my children experience the same.. so i try my best and really, really do my best to still hold on despite of everything.. someday, i wish i will not have this feeling of resentment ever again.. someday..