sad TuesDaY :-(

My day started with a sweet text message from my hubby:

One form of loving is..

when you just want the best for that person,

whether it includes you or not...

Happy Tuesday! :-D

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A few minutes later after receiving that, an exact opposite message arrived on my mobile telling me that he lost the deal of buying the computer equipment from our company where he would earn a commission over another company that offered a much lower cost... Just when we were expecting that money to settle some of our payables next due date... as if the whole world fell on us both.. and he still has some extra-personal problems he has to settle until tomorrow.. i called it "extra" 'cause it's his problems with his illegitimate children that even I, his legal wife, was trying to find ways to help him... My hubby has always been trying to appear strong and dependable during hard times... but when he's got nothing left to give, he breaks down.. sends me "suicidal notes" telling me he couldn't take it anymore... now isn't that a little selfish? here i am, giving myself to him, trying to share with his troubles just to ease his burdens and what does he give in return? he'd tell me he wanted to die and leave all the problems by myself....

Sometimes life really is unfair... but i still thank God that i was able to settle my own problems today, still thanking Him for giving me the strength and keeping my sanity... I know that whatever troubles that would come our way, He won't forsake us... I know that He's just trying to remind us that we at times are neglecting Him.. I wish that one day, I'd wake up with a bright smile on my face and feel a big relief that my problems had all gone away...

Headache!!

I've been suffering from severe headache since early this afternoon... Last nite i almost fell on the floor when i suddenly felt dizzy, i thought there was an earthquake.. I've been having hallucinations too, i feel as though some "bad air" needs to get out of my lungs and if i don't breathe them out, i would suffocate to death... i feel scared everytime i have that feeling.. my hubby told me that maybe i have brain tumors (lol) cause those are the symptoms Izzy of Grey's Anatomy had before she was diagnosed of the disease.. well, maybe after 5 years or so, I'd find this blog of mine true.. :(

wordless...

Everytime i read other people's blogs i feel so inspired and i feel as though, i too can create the same neatly written stories of their lives but when i start doing it, i'm totally wordless... my words are all shattered, not knowing how to express myself and compose my ideas in an interesting manner.. i wish someday, after reading hundred of blogs, perhaps i'll be able to do it...

a bad day for me...

It's payday today... Other people might be enjoying their hard-earned money on shopping stuff, eating at fine dining resto's.. as if what they really await each month is their payday.. but for me, i curse paydays.. i hope paydays won't come 'cause otherwise, i will not be as bummed and broke as i am today.. my day started with my mother-in-law reminding me of the bills that are due today, the very first words that came out of her mouth was if my husband already got his pay check so she can return the money she borrowed last month for our electric bills which was due for disconnection.. and our current electric bill is also due this month end.. OMG.. and my hubby gave me his salary which is short of more than half of what he's actually gonna give me.. isn't it a good way to wreck somebody else's day?? so i hurriedly left the house and i felt like my heart and veins were gonna explode!! i tried to remain calm when i asked him where he spent his money but still, i broke down in tears... he knew nothing but have some good times, give me all the money that's left in his wallet and i take care of the rest. and how much do supervisors in a not-so-big computer companies in the philippines actually earn? i have always wanted to fix our financial cash flow but each time, something always comes up.. and what's worse, it's not for our family, but for the illegitimate children of my very faithful husband.. yeah, he has 3 children outside our marriage... and i'm stuck to accepting things as they are, otherwise, i'll have to live and raise our own children alone.. i myself came from a broken family and i know how that sucks and i don't want my children experience the same.. so i try my best and really, really do my best to still hold on despite of everything.. someday, i wish i will not have this feeling of resentment ever again.. someday..

house i would love to have...

This is my dream... To have a house wonderfully decorated as this...

my favorite songs

12 Things I'm grateful about...

As inspired my Ms. Julochka, i want to try to do my own list of the things I'm grateful about:

1. that it's friday today;
2. that i can wake up late tomorrow;
3. that tomorrow is the long awaited grand high school reunion of my husband which had kept him busy for several months already;
4. that my boss is out of the country and I will be free for the whole week next week;
5. that we only have 4 days of work next week, being Friday a non-working holiday :) ;
6. that i'll get to spend the weekend with my daughters despite that my hubby will be busy tomorrow for the reunion;
7. that i haven't smoked for a week already;
8. that alyssa's cellular phone is in the car when i thought she lost another one;
9. that angela is perfectly well already after suffering from slight fever for several days;
10. that i was able to create my own blogs, this is my 3rd one;
11. that i was inspired to do my scrapbooks and created more than 5 pages this week;
12. it's payday next week!!

I wonder if...

1. I'd be able to add more words.....
2. i can ever learn to write every little thing that's inside my head...
3. other people find interest in reading my posts..
4. my posts make any sense..
5. i will ever learn more words to describe my feelings and express my opinions..
6. how many postings do i need to read to be able to learn to do this correctly...
7. or should i say, are my postings really posted and can be read by other people?
8. am i doing the right thing?
9. how will i ever know????

sOmE thiNgs thAt mAkE mE sMiLe....

* a sWeEt aNd rEfReShiNg scEnt oF a pErFuMe.....
* a goRgEoUs piEcE oF aRt...
* soMe insPiRinG worDs, booKs, PoEtRiEs, sonGs, pHotoS, cRaftS..
* a loVeLy sCraPboOk
* a prEttY HouSe
* a sWeeT geStURe bY sOmEboDy I loVe..
* a haPPy soNg.. :)

summer is almost over for us...

BORACAY ISLAND

It was just a week ago when we had one of our best summer family vacations... in my 35 years, it was my first time to go swimming at one of the most famous beaches in the country, at the island of Boracay, Aklan.. we spent 2 nights in the island, did nothing but swimming, of course, and eating delicious seafoods... it was also our first time to go snorkeling, island hopping, scuba diving and a whole lot more.. but what i enjoyed most was that i was able to spend the entire days with my family, especially my husband and two kids... my husband and i are planning to go back there on our 14th wedding anniversary in Sept. Hope it will be more enjoyable then..